


Bad Day

by StarlightXNightmare



Series: Septic Egos [18]
Category: Video Blogging RPF, jacksepticeye
Genre: Depression, Self Loathing, bad day
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-01
Updated: 2018-09-01
Packaged: 2019-07-05 07:33:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,015
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15859113
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StarlightXNightmare/pseuds/StarlightXNightmare
Summary: He told himself he wouldn't fall into this cycle again. He made another promise he couldn't keep.





	Bad Day

**Author's Note:**

> God Chase is a fucking mood. Sorry, buddy, but I've been in a shitty mood recently and I need to vent.

The very moment Chase woke up he knew it was going to be one of  _those_ days. He could just tell by the way everything felt heavier, like the world decided to put its weight on his chest. While he knew it wasn't really twice as hard to breathe, it just felt that way—he wasn't _really_ suffocating in his misery, it just _felt_ like it. He just woke up feeling burdened.

A quick glance to his alarm clock showed that he woke up earlier than usual, big, red, blocky numbers displaying 5:43 AM. Since he had time he decided he'd lay in bed a while to see if the bad feeling would go away.

_It didn't._

He had tried everything he normally did to shake off—or at the very least minimize—the feeling but nothing worked. Thinking about his plans for the day only made him more adamant to stay in bed. Getting lost in his thoughts only drew his mind back to his negative thoughts. Trying to count the good things that happened today didn't work seeing as the day just started and counting "I woke up" as a good thing didn't work considering he regretted waking up and wished he'd died in his sleep.

So Chase curled up under the blanket, holding Cuddles to his chest, unable to fall back asleep. At some point he zoned out, staring vacantly at the alarm clock and watching the minutes tick past him, leaving him in a cloud of dust.

It was a general known rule that the household (excluding Jackie often times) gathered between 7 AM and 7:30 AM for breakfast. Though there were many times where Jackie slept through breakfast, Marvin skipped it in favor to continue working on spells, and Schneep was called into work early, Chase himself rarely ever missed breakfast even if he was feeling terrible. All that didn't stop him from skipping, opting to instead observe blankly as the numbers slowly went up.

Now that he was thinking about it, how long had he been using the whole PMA thing as a front? Sure he's been more tired—both physically and mentally—for a while now (he couldn't remember exactly when he started getting increasingly tired again) but he simply brushed it off as the bigger workload he'd been taking on. It wasn't that big of a surprise he had been so tired seeing as he was being hired to edit other popular YouTuber's videos on top of his (admittedly few) videos as well as Jack's. While JJ was still a somewhat new edition to the household and Schneep had been back for a few months, Jack continued to remain in a coma, peacefully slumbering his way through this shit show Anti orchestrated—or maybe Jack was suffering silently in his sleep (who knew). He thought he'd been tired from work, not from everything in general.

Keeping up the PMA felt unbelievably forced after a while, feeling as if he were slogging through knee high mud while carrying a pack of stones on his back. He'd chalked it up to him being in such a negative mindset that it was difficult to stay positive for long.

The rest of the day both passed in the blink of an eye and felt as if an eternity dragged by and was so uneventful that he was unable to remember three fourths of it. He drifted in and out of consciousness every now and then but mainly was either indifferent to his surroundings or hyperaware of them.

Oddly enough no one came to check up on him though he head the door open and close a while ago (a couple minutes ago? An hour or two ago?) so he supposed they all left sometime throughout the day. He wasn't sure if he was happy everyone was gone and leaving him alone or upset and hurt that no one bothered to stop by to ask if he was alright. Chase decided he was being a fucking child and needed to make up his mind. Did he want them to care or not?

Sometime in the middle(?) of the day he turned away from the alarm clock, ashamed of all the time he was wasting by being lazy. He didn't know what time it was and he wasn't going to check.

Throughout the whole day Chase has been on the verge of bursting into tears, eyes unnecessarily damp and feeling heavy, yet seemingly not remembering how to do so. He didn't know why he wanted to cry when he's literally done nothing all day. It's not like he's stressed out or particularly sad, just kind of... _off_. Numb. Enough so where he couldn't bring himself to get out of bed and pretend like he's feeling perfectly happy with his life.

Chase understood that doing this would mess up his sleep schedule and he'd be lying awake all night, wallowing in self pity but he couldn't bring himself to do anything about it let alone remotely care about it. _What difference did it make if he was wallowing in self pity now? Not like it'd be any different later._

Like he couldn't bring himself to get up and get something to eat so his stomach would shut the fuck up and stop hurting. _He ignored it for a while and the pain disappeared like it was never there._

Like he couldn't bring himself to get up and record a video for Jack's channel or edit all those other video's he'd taken on to try and prevent himself from being lazy only to end up burning himself out in the end. _He was failing so many people._

Like he couldn't bring himself to drag his sorry ass out of bed to visit his comatose best friend. _He was the worst friend._

 _Pathetic._  He told himself he wouldn't fall into this cycle again. He made another promise he couldn't keep.

He stared blankly at the ceiling. He just hoped this feeling would go away soon so he could breathe without it hurting so much.

**Author's Note:**

> I may not have spent a whole day in bed because I've felt that awful (mainly because I'd never forgive myself if I wasted a whole day and wasn't "productive"... yeah I guilt trip myself into getting out of bed) but this was based off how fucking tired and empty I've been feeling recently. It's been two and a half weeks of school and I've had two breakdowns (both in the same day within two hours of each other). I have a few days to decide whether I want to take medication for my anxiety (which has been through the goddamn roof recently) and depression. It's just hard to get out of bed and to care, y'know? I'm at that weird intersection where only people with anxiety and depression have that's "literally nothing matters anymore" and "everything is literally more important than my life". It sucks.
> 
> On another note: how would y'all like a Detroit: Become Human oneshot from me??? I already have the plot and name figured out, just need people interested.


End file.
